your room smells of hookers.
And success
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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