honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
handjob tips. give me some.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
