jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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