But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
