hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
