Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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