This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
