I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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