She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
