i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
