Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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