OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
