Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
