This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
