I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
