So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
