The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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