Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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