Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
