1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Who died my cat blue again?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
