Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry my hands just texted you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The air taste purple.
Randomize
