I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
