there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
