Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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