your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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