We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
