I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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