So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
