Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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