you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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