She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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