from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
