Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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