absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
