last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
