your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
