Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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