I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
