shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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