Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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