I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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