so that wasnt chicken after all
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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