I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
