I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
