i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
