why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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