i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
