Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
