Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
