do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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