You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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