i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
