I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My vagina is officially offended.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
