winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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