I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
