I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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