Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize