i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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