It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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