My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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