please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
