who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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