We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
