On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
