Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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