dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
tell me about the fingering
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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