I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
