david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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