I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
