i just google imaged poop.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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