He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
