I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
