Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
