who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
