Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
