quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
