Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize