I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
