you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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