I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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