We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
