he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
