I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
